Uluwehi, not Invisible

I would rather be invisible.

Invisibility is safe. No one watching, no one judging. No one impressed, no one disappointed. Invisibility can be lonely, but loneliness hurts less than abandonment. Invisibility doesn't require taking risk. I don't have to put myself out there for others to see if I'm invisible. I don't have to show vulnerability to others if I'm invisible. If I'm invisible, who would see to help?

But I'm not invisible. The Invisible One sees me when no one else does. And He thinks I'm kinda pretty beautiful.

I don't know that I have that much to say. I don't know that my thoughts, my words will benefit any of you. But I do know I live for a God Who created beauty as a blessing, and He made woman in His image to uniquely reflect the beauty of His character. His daughters, princesses all, need to know their beauty. They need to know that it comes from and has grand value through Him.

This has been on my heart lately. I don't know how long I'll write about this, and I can only speak from my own experience, so I will be plenty limited. But I think my sisters need to be encouraged. Not encouraged to put on more makeup, buy the right blouse, or shine that smile when you'd rather cry, but encouraged to be real and to realize the reality of your own beauty. It is there. You may not believe it, but it is.

For a long time I didn't believe I had beauty. Oh, sure, sometimes I thought I looked a little pretty or I felt pretty (often I felt prettier than I thought I looked, go figure that one out for me). But most of the time, pretty wasn't something to be or aspire to. Yet I am, though even now I have a hard time believing it. But it's important that I do, not to glorify myself but to magnify the One Who gave me my beauty.

And when I do believe it, I want to hide it because hiding it is safer. Hiding it diverts attention away from me and that saves me and others from the disappointment of not having beauty and the danger of indeed possessing beauty. Beauty draws others to it. This is both natural and good, but I fear the risk that comes with all good things in this fallen world. I fear the perversion of beauty; I fear beauty being used in a destructive manner, whether intentionally or not. I fear my own beauty being used so.

I would rather be invisible. But beauty is needed to be seen.

So I hope to pursue what it means to grow in beauty. Uluwehi.