An Unsettled Heart

One night, I was getting ready for bed, and I was nervous. I had no reason to be nervous, but I could not calm myself down. I was almost excited, but it wasn't exactly what I normally feel when I'm really happy about something and can't contain myself. It was an unsettled feeling near my heart, that persisted no matter what I thought about or did. I paced, bouncing from one thing to the next, thinking that I was simply restless at an inopportune time (as it was bedtime). Nothing satisfied that nervousness. I was in bed, lights out, trying to go to sleep. The feeling was still there and refused to leave me alone.

Finally, unable to think of anything else to set my mind to, I prayed. I prayed for one thing and one person after another, going through a list of people who came to mind. I prayed for my best friends, my family, friends in Stillwater, I prayed for things that were coming up. I prayed and prayed, asking for things such as God's peace and help for these people.

At last, one particular friend came to mind, and I prayed for him. Then the nervous feeling started ebbing away. I prayed for him for a long time, until well after the fear inside me had passed.

I checked up on this friend later and found out he was perfectly fine. All the concerns I had prayed about seemed to be for nothing. He hadn't been in danger (yes, that had come to my mind when I was praying), and things were going well for him.

Huh. Odd.

But until I had started focusing my prayer on him to the God of the universe, my heart was unsettled. After I had concentrated on lifting him up to the Lord, the worry, fear, and restlessness went away.

Friends, that had never happened to me before.

Then it happened again. Another day, this time I think it was the afternoon, that same persistent anxious feeling settled in next to my heart. I'm not exaggerating this, that's exactly what it felt like. It was completely a physical feeling. I was not actually worried about anything when the feeling came.

I remembered what had happened before, so I sat myself down, and started praying for everyone I thought of, specifically and regarding specific things. I kept going, searching for the one thing or person I needed to lift up to God. I prayed for person after person, and the unease didn't go away. After a little while, I thought of the Perspectives class I took last Spring. So I prayed...for the nations. Peace slipped in, overtaking the nervousness. I prayed that the nations would come to know God. I prayed that God's name would be declared, that He would send His children out, to spread the Good News of Christ. This time it took the whole world to calm me down. But I did.

I don't know why this happened either time. I find it a little odd. I don't know why I had to pray specifically for that one person, and I'm not sure why I needed to pray for the nations at that particular moment.

The first time I thought was scary. I genuinely thought my friend was in some major danger or had a big problem right then, late at night.

The second time, I wondered if someone might be having trouble, and I was surprised to find that it was praying for the nations instead of an individual that I knew that settled me down.

It wasn't what I was expecting either time.

Both happened since this past spring season. I forget exactly when. I don't remember how much time passed between the first time and the second, but it seemed like a long time. It has not happened again.

Now I'm just waiting to see if I may ever learn the purpose of those moments.
And I'm wondering if it will ever happen again.