Fifteen Media

Something I've been wanting to put together for awhile. Ever since I read it here first.

Here are fifteen or so media which have profoundly changed me or had some major impact on who I am today.


1. Perspectives on the World Christian Movement (college level course): Opened my eyes to what missions is meant to be and can be. This course challenged me to my core and changed the way I see so many different parts of life.

2. Captivating (book): After years of self-bashing (mentally and emotionally; I didn't take a baseball bat to my head) this book helped me to stop murdering myself and to realize that in God's eyes, He has made me beautiful and that I do have true worth.

3. Pride and Prejudice (2005 movie) (book): I watched the movie and understood the language, which I had before seen as impossible to interpret, and therefore, boring. The story was funny and very sweet. Shortly after, I read the book and likewise loved it. Thus the world of Jane Austen was opened to me for the rest of my life.

4. Disney movies: It may be a bit of a cheat to list a lump of movies by the same company, but...it’s my list. I have been rediscovering these movies lately, and I have found that the themes of longing for good things, trust, betrayal, misunderstandings, good and evil, and committed love are just as profound and meaningful for women as they are for little girls dreaming of their princes. Perhaps even more so now than before. Here are a few that come to mind as being particularly important to me: Beauty and the Beast, Sleeping Beauty, Anastasia (okay, this one is Fox, not Disney)

5. Disney’s Beauty and the Beast (play): another step along the path of allowing myself to be the girl I have been all along, relishing in the story and characters as they came alive right before me.

6. YouTube (collection of videos online): searching through clips of various movies set to good songs is also another step along the path to allowing myself to immensely enjoy the things which set my heart aflutter through good songs and good stories. It turns out I'm far more girlie than I had let myself be for years.

7. Creative Writing (college level course): this class along with some other factors helped me to see not only that I wanted to write and edit stories, but that I could. It helped give me direction for choosing a college major that I like (before I even knew it existed) and what I might enjoy for a paying job (dare I use the word, career).

8. Hip Hop dance class, Irish dance class, Ballroom dance class (classes of various levels and of various durations), and Musicals (such as Disney movies, Fiddler on the Roof, and, of course Seven Brides for Seven Brothers): I am a dancer. Even though I can be as clumsy as all get out, when music plays, I feel a joy well up inside me that must come out in some fashion, often through dance. Learning different ways to dance has definitely affected my daily life. I have been exposed to the sounds, rhythms, and moods of different kinds of music, and what can be done with them. I dance wherever I am.

9. What To Do When Your Mom or Dad Says ... Clean Your Room! (book): when I received this, I was granted insight into what others thought of my maturity. A truly haunting two weeks.

10. Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone (book): before I read the book, I had thought the story was an awful tale about a wicked boy who used magic. When discussing it with my brother, I was forced to rethink my prejudice that was based on little more than other peoples’ bad assumptions. Since then I have tried to be less judgmental before I see what things (in particular, stories) are for myself.

11. Any time I go through an arts festival or museum with my best friends (events and art): we always meander through, taking in all the arts displays and examining some things for sale that suit our fancy. We often have differing tastes in what really sparks our imaginations or plays with our emotions, but we usually each find at least one thing (usually a painting or a print of a painting) that is special to us specifically. Two that struck my fancy were “Two Blackbirds” in the OKC Museum of Art and “West of the City” by Carolyn Mock at the 2007(?) OKC Arts Festival hosted by OCCC. These two particular paintings/prints whisper of stories to me that I hope to someday write.

12. “Desert Song” (song): Music is hard for me to choose. I love so much music, that it’s sometimes hard to tell what has had major impact on my life and what is just really good. “Desert Song” is an encouraging battle song in my mind. When I feel wrung out and dry, I call to God. With His mighty hand protecting me, no weapon on earth shall remain, because He is The Victory and He is here.

13. “You Said (Ask and You Will Receive)” (song): Another song that has great impact on me, largely due to the Perspectives course. This song is a focus on the call to reach all God’s people (the nations) with His Word, and a reminder of His promise that is connected to the mission mandate.

14. Petals (book - not yet available in stores): Showed me that I truly can edit, and love it along the way.

15. Julie & Julia (2009 movie): Yes, this is a movie about cooking and two women who cooked. No, I do not cook (except for the taquitos recently). But now I actually want to. I am not quite so scared of the prospect of cooking (or burning things), and I even think of it as a challenge that could be fun...and tasty. (And, yes, the taquitos were very tasty.)

An Unsettled Heart

One night, I was getting ready for bed, and I was nervous. I had no reason to be nervous, but I could not calm myself down. I was almost excited, but it wasn't exactly what I normally feel when I'm really happy about something and can't contain myself. It was an unsettled feeling near my heart, that persisted no matter what I thought about or did. I paced, bouncing from one thing to the next, thinking that I was simply restless at an inopportune time (as it was bedtime). Nothing satisfied that nervousness. I was in bed, lights out, trying to go to sleep. The feeling was still there and refused to leave me alone.

Finally, unable to think of anything else to set my mind to, I prayed. I prayed for one thing and one person after another, going through a list of people who came to mind. I prayed for my best friends, my family, friends in Stillwater, I prayed for things that were coming up. I prayed and prayed, asking for things such as God's peace and help for these people.

At last, one particular friend came to mind, and I prayed for him. Then the nervous feeling started ebbing away. I prayed for him for a long time, until well after the fear inside me had passed.

I checked up on this friend later and found out he was perfectly fine. All the concerns I had prayed about seemed to be for nothing. He hadn't been in danger (yes, that had come to my mind when I was praying), and things were going well for him.

Huh. Odd.

But until I had started focusing my prayer on him to the God of the universe, my heart was unsettled. After I had concentrated on lifting him up to the Lord, the worry, fear, and restlessness went away.

Friends, that had never happened to me before.

Then it happened again. Another day, this time I think it was the afternoon, that same persistent anxious feeling settled in next to my heart. I'm not exaggerating this, that's exactly what it felt like. It was completely a physical feeling. I was not actually worried about anything when the feeling came.

I remembered what had happened before, so I sat myself down, and started praying for everyone I thought of, specifically and regarding specific things. I kept going, searching for the one thing or person I needed to lift up to God. I prayed for person after person, and the unease didn't go away. After a little while, I thought of the Perspectives class I took last Spring. So I prayed...for the nations. Peace slipped in, overtaking the nervousness. I prayed that the nations would come to know God. I prayed that God's name would be declared, that He would send His children out, to spread the Good News of Christ. This time it took the whole world to calm me down. But I did.

I don't know why this happened either time. I find it a little odd. I don't know why I had to pray specifically for that one person, and I'm not sure why I needed to pray for the nations at that particular moment.

The first time I thought was scary. I genuinely thought my friend was in some major danger or had a big problem right then, late at night.

The second time, I wondered if someone might be having trouble, and I was surprised to find that it was praying for the nations instead of an individual that I knew that settled me down.

It wasn't what I was expecting either time.

Both happened since this past spring season. I forget exactly when. I don't remember how much time passed between the first time and the second, but it seemed like a long time. It has not happened again.

Now I'm just waiting to see if I may ever learn the purpose of those moments.
And I'm wondering if it will ever happen again.